In Death
by Arterais
Summary: Elissa Cousland is on her last journey. Will she be able to just let go and leave everything and everyone she loved behind? And what of the one that she cared about the most? Could be viewed as being a bit AU.


Dragon Age belongs to Bioware. My first language is not English, so I am sorry for any outrageous mistakes that could be present. This story is a bit AU, as there is more then one Grey Warden that went through the Joining at Ostagar.

* * *

She did not know what to feel, looking at the entrance to the Deep Roads. How could she just make the first step, when she knew with that terrifying certainty what it would mean? They told her in the beginning. Well, Alistair did.

_Wrong thought, _she reminded herself. Even after all these years, she have never forgiven herself. How could she? He trusted her. Loved her even. And still she... _No. _She closed her eyes. _I've beaten myself over this enough times. The Maker knows my sins. I will let __**him **__be the judge of me._ She sighed softly, releasing the breath she held and her eyes drifted back to the dark tunnel ahead of her. It was ironic really, to be the last. She was the first also. The first who drank from the cup at their joining, after Daveth's and Ser Jory's deaths. The first one to become a Grey Warden in their little group of new recruits. _Closing the circle, _she thought bitterly.

Duran heard the Calling years ago and she was so surprised when the news of his departure arrived from Orzimmar. It scared her at the time. Never again did she feel so secure in her life. Since that day, she kept expecting that it would ambush her unprepared and very soon.

Theron disappeared long before Duran's call, but how could she be sure that he went for his last march? _I have to find her. You must understand,_ he told her, before he left to search for Morrigan. They never learned whether he was successful or not. He just... disappeared. Never to be heard from again. Was he dead? Or did he live somewhere secluded, together with his witch? She never expected to get an answer to that question.

And Solona... dutifully accepting the order and never returning back either. In her case she was more inclined to believe that she was still living somewhere, without the madness and death ready to take her at any moment. _She __**had**__ that monster of a man as a brother_, reminded herself Elissa. _If anyone could come up with a way to postpone the Calling, it would be him. Him and those... blood rituals of his._ She grimaced at the memory of the man. Still, she was the last of their group of wardens, who was known to be alive. Would it be so wrong to have at least few more years? She knew it was selfish, Duran had died at least a decade ago, while she was to leave now, long time after he did.

A light pressure on her left wrist brought her back from her thoughts and her eyes focused on the figure next to her, who was trying to get her attention. "Yes Nate? What is it?" She winced at how her voice sounded, angry and restless.

"I was... concerned," he answers softly. "You got awfully quiet." His right hand let go of her wrist and he moved it to her face, hesitating only for a second, before cupping her face and brushing her cheek with his thumb. "Are you absolutely certain? Are you sure it is your time? It could be..." his expression became pained and he looked away. "Sometimes it is so easy to forget about the price we wardens have to pay. When you join, twenty or thirty years feel like an eternity."

"I know." There is a kind of finality, of acceptance in those two words as she moved closer to him, kissing him gently, before moving away from his grasp. She smiled at him one last time and started slowly, but determinedly walking towards her end.

She whipped around angrily when she heard footsteps following her. "Nate, we talked about this. It is **my **time to go. Not yours. You are the new Warden-Commander. You have responsibilities, people that need your leadership. More so, you still have the time to just be **alive**." She nearly snarled the first sentence, but as she continued, her voice turned sad again.

Nate stared her with an impassive face, before quietly asking: "How much?"

"How much of what?" And she was confused. He was supposed to tell her goodbye and leave. Or he shouldn't have escort her all the way here. Everything would have been so much easier, if she was alone.

"Of **time**!" Nathaniel growled at her, irritation clearly evident on his face.

"How can I know..."

"Exactly!" he interrupted her. "You don't know. Yes, I can still have a decade ahead of me. Or I can hear my calling a week from now. Do you know how that would make me feel? Letting you go by yourself now and then week from now realizing that I have to go too? I rather go with you now. You shouldn't be alone. I don't **want** you to be alone." There was no trace of his usual calm demeanor as he said that. His increasing frustration was visible, especially towards the end of his admission, when he clutched her shoulder and he was almost shaking her, so that she would finally understand what he was saying.

"Nate. We discussed this. You are not, I repeat, **not **coming with me to the deep roads."

"And I am telling you again, that I do not care for what you say on that matter. I am going."

"As your superior, I order you to..."

"You stepped down from that position before we left Vigil's Keep. So I do not have to obey any orders you give me. You said it yourself. I am the new Warden-Commander. And if you are thinking of using force to make me stay behind, let me remind you that I am as good as you are at fighting."

At first, he was half-expecting for her to actually punch him or something similar, judging from her desperate and angry expression, but then her face fell and there was nothing left except for obvious defeat. "Why are you doing this to me?" she questioned with no fight left in her. "I don't want you to die. Definitely not when it is not necessary."

"I don't want you to die either, however there is nothing I can do about that. All I know is that there is no way I am staying behind. Forced to live in the past, having to run the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, while all I would think about would be you not being with me. Are you actually that cruel? Making me die slowly like that? Every second of my life hoping that it will be finally my time, so I can go and finally embrace death to be free from the pain? I don't want that. I want **anything **but **that**." He was breathing heavily at the end of his admission, with a wild look in his eyes.

There was silence for a while, with Elissa unable to look at him. "Would you really feel like that? I am sure it wouldn't be that bad. You will get over me and after that, you can be happy again," she argued weakly. She was startled when he pulled her into a hug, his head resting on top of hers.

"I was not happy before I met you and I definitely wouldn't be happy with you not being with me."

She pressed her face against his neck, trying in vain to stop the tears from coming. "We are a strange pair, aren't we?" She asked him, a bit of hysteria creeping into her voice.

"That we are. You will never guess how content that thought makes me," he admitted and pressed a light kiss to her forehead.

She half-sobbed, half-laughed after hearing him say that. "There really is nothing I can say that would make you change your mind, am I right?" she finally asked, resigned.

"No. It was a great honor knowing you. Even greater to be loved by you and now... now it will be the greatest honor to be there with you, at the end of everything." She smiled fondly at him as he took her hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles. There were so many emotions conveyed in it. Non that could be said in words, because there weren't words that could express something as powerful as that.

"We had our victory. We were vigilant. Now... comes the sacrifice."

"In death," she whispers.

"In death," an answering whisper is heard from the dark-haired archer. From her fellow Grey Warden. Her friend. Her lover. Her **everything**.

There are no more words. No sound as they walk towards the shadows, no hesitancy in their steps. There is only peace and determination and joined hands of two people, with no regrets and no fear.


End file.
